the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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