He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
