fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The air taste purple.
Randomize
