her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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