In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
