I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
