U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
