Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
