She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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