Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
