Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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