i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
