Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
