i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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