Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
