I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
