phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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