best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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