At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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