If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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