I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
