Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
