Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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