Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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