just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
