I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
