We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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