You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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