why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
