If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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