You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
