wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
