I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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