Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
