i permit you to call me
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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