Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
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