I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
