I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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