Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
