Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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