I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
