There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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