halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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Randomize
