Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
