My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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