so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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