a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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