i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
