i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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