I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
