did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
