you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
